What About the Girls?
BoysWork has done a lot of good for boys across the age span, their families and their communities. Sometimes parents, teachers and administrators ask me “well, what about the girls?” The truth is, girls and women also benefit deeply.
Girls have personalities too. They engage in control battles, power struggles, and games with hidden agendas just as much as boys do. Girls desire and need people, especially adults, who embody the principles and practices of power, conflict and love that are fundamental to BoysWork. What are they? Briefly, power as the ability to embody self control and self direction instead of the ability to control and dominate another person. Conflict as the activity of two or more forces coming together creating the opportunity for change to occur instead of a contest between two or more people with winners and losers. Love as warmth and affection inclusive for all parties instead of love and affection that disappears in the face of adversity and conflict.
Girls are in relationship with boys on an on-going basis. They’re absorbed into boy games regularly. The girls benefit immediately when the boys grow out of win/lose games. In fact, the girls are more able to receive the relational connection and attention with boys they desire once fellows have grown out of win/lose games and developed a sense of power based on self control and mastery instead of overt or covert domination of someone else. The girls can now have relationships with boys with authentic affection, mutual respect, and genuine romance. Sexual harassment and exploitation stop. Girls are no longer sex objects to “score,” trophies to win or game to pursue.
Women benefit as well. Boy antics and games tend to drive women crazy. If I had a dollar for every time a woman has asked a version of “how do I get him to _________?” or “why doesn’t he just do what he’s suppose to do?” or “he’d have it so much easier if he’d _________?” we might be able to retire the national debt. Women not only change their mental perspective and understanding of boys from BoysWork, they change their way of being and behavior which causes the relationships to change for the better for everyone. It doesn’t matter if the woman is a mom or if she’s a teacher, or if she’s an administrator. It just works.
BoysWork is for everyone. Children, regardless of gender, need parents, teachers, and other adults who embody the principles and practices of power, conflict and love. Since we’re all in relationship with one another, girls and women benefit when the boys grow beyond control and domination and win/lose games. BoysWork helps the boys and everyone else do that. It’s for everyone.
Should you be thinking, “what about parents of girls?”, every program presented to a school, library, community center, professional organization or business is tailored to that specific audience and has benefited the boys and the girls, the men and the women. The executive director of a family education program has told BoysWork audiences repeatedly over more than 10 years, “it works just as well with daughters.” There’s never been a question about raising or teaching girls I haven’t been able to address. Why? I’ve raised two daughters with these principles and practices.
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